Q: I caught your radio advice to control zombies in a lawn by pitching them headfirst into a wood chipper. Is there an organic option for control?

A: My radio staff members, Ashley Frasca and Scott Maxim, are crack zombie control researchers. They say that you can control zombies organically by liberally applying a crowbar to the skull. The key seems to be destroying their brain before they bite you. Silver crosses, wooden stakes and blue glass bottle trees have not proven effective.

lawn zombie