Question
I LIVE ON LONG ISLAND IN SUFFOLK COUNTY AND HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO GROW MY LAWN. OBVIOUSLY AFTER READING UP ON ALL YOUR POSTS I NEED SOME GOOD ADVISE. I HAVE A SLOPE IN MY BACKYARD AND THE GRASS DOES NOT SEEM TO GROW. MANY BALD SPOTS AND MANY WEEDS. LAST YEAR I USED SCOTTS FEED AND THE LAWN LOOKED GOOD FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS THEN WENT DOWNHILL. WHAT WOULD BE MY BEST PLAN OF ATTACK? TEST SOIL FIRST? BRING IN TOPSOIL/SEED? I DON'T HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE.......PLEASE HELP. DON'T REALLY WANT TO USE CHEMICALS, HAVE 3 CHILDREN BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE SOME GRASS FOR THEM TO PLAY IN.

Answer
Pleased to meet you, Chris.  This is not a problem.  I understand your situation, and there's no reason in the world you can't grow grass back there.

First, you have to stay away from Scotts.  You've read that plenty of times by now, but it's important to understand that their line of lawn 'care' products is plain and simple outdated and obsolete.  We know a lot more now about lawns and grass and soil.

So let us begin.

And you are going to hate hearing this but I say it all the time and here we go again:

Get a soil test.

Here's where you can do that:

http://counties.cce.cornell.edu/Suffolk/HortFactSheets/HFSDirectory.htm#Forms

You want TWO tests.  This is how they do it at the Cornell/Suffolk County location.  Fill the form and follow the instructions for (1) the Soil Nutrient Test AND (2) the Soil pH Test.  There are very specific instructions for these.  Try to follow them carefully.  You'll get the most accurate test results that way.  Don't rush the soil into drying in the microwave oven, for instance, or the kitchen.  You will change the soil and your results won't be worth the bread they're butter on.  Very important.  NO RUSHING!  Your soil will still be there tomorrow, the Grass will grow, you'll get everything in place.

Meantime, while you're waiting for those soil test results, go out and find a good, healthy Cover Crop.

You've heard of those.  That's what farmers put down between cycles of oats and wheats and barley and alfalfa.  They build up the soil.  You don't have to fertilize these or worry about them one bit.  You can mow them when you feel like it, you can water them now and then, and all the time, they'll be building up your soil.  One nice touch would definitely be a big bag of White or Red Clover.  They smells nice, they build up your soil, and the kids will spend hours looking for a Clover with 4 leaves.

The BEST thing about White and Red Clover is how much Nitrogen they POUR into your Soil.  But you knew that already...

Now, tell me the truth here, Chris: How much Sun do you get in your back yard?  On that slope and anywhere else you are having trouble?

We have to know, now that the trees are all leafed out, how much sun will be reaching that Grass.

So let me know.  Sun in the morning and afternoon?  Sun at Noon between 10am and 2pm?  Dawn and dusk?  Try to get a good, true reading of the hours in the day the Sun will be shining on that Grass.

Also, how slopey are we talking?  If you were standing on the side and had to make a triangle, would that be a 45 degree Angle, do you think?  Less?  More?  Any idea?

Now for the Don't's.

DON'T buy topsoil.  You already have plenty of soil.  You don't need more of that.  You just need to adjust something -- we all do -- and you will have exactly the right ingredients to buy.  Like that Cake I love to bake all the time.  The shopping list for the Scrambled Eggs.  You want to make hamburgers on the BBQ tonight?  What's in the refrigerator?  Your soil test will tell you that.  You do NOT need someone else's empty refrigerator.  You're in fine shape.

Next...

DON'T buy any Chemicals.  Don't even buy Lime, Chris!  Unless it's on sale.  We can always find a use for Lime.  If they're giving it away, yes, take some, but only if it's free or almost free.  Then save it.  In case you need it.  Don't put any down.

Pelletized Lime is better.

Finally, DON'T plant any more Grass.  Don't even put down the Clover or the Cover Crop.  Have it ready for when you need it.

If you know where to rent a Core aerator, get that information together.  In case you need to do that.

How's your Earthworms population, Chris?  How are the Birds doing?  Take your kids out this week and pick up a Birdbath.  And a Birdfeeder.  And some Birdseed.  Make sure you can see these from your house -- there's no better way to spend a summer morning than sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and watching the Cardinals and Finches flying around.  Birds eat Grubs and Weed Seeds.  And they're not the only ones.  Even Squirrels and Crickets are on your side in the War Against Weeds.  The USDA's web page, 'Unearthing Clues to Controlling Weeds' by Jan Suszkiw, points out: 'A single female cricket will eat up to 50 seeds a day. Mice and ground squirrels eat even more':

http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/AR/archive/may06/weeds0506.htm

You don't need experience here, Chris.  This is very simple, more simple than you realize.  By the time we're done, people are going to be asking YOU for your secrets to growing beautiful Grass.  This is easy.

And now, I think your Soil Test is waiting.  Thanks for writing.  Keep me posted.